Spring cleaning my wardrobe ….. 

I don’t know about you but having a good spring clean always helps keep my motivation going, one because I always feel like I am getting a little work out while I am doing it and two I find clothes I forgot about that I couldn’t fit into and now I can!!

Out with the old and in with the new?

This is the question!

While my positive motivated self says HELL YEAH! Throw those size 22 trousers out girl you are NOT gunna be needing them no more …. My inner confidence bitch is at this point snapping her fingers and tossing her hair like some teen movie IT girl ….meanwhile the doubter goth girl is peeping around those huge trousers saying …. But these are sooooo comfy …..what if you need them again?
So on and so on my inner monologue goes, proving first of all that I have watched far too many teen movies, but also that clearly I am not believing fully in myself. 

Even with how well I have done so far, the doubt in me burns rather brightly. 

How do we ever stop listing to that little voice? 

I have always been larger than my friends, I was often teased at school and called names. I took it on the chin and laughed it off but the reality of it was that I was hurting. I hated myself. I was ugly, I was fat – how could anyone love me?

I know this is a story that most of us as teenagers go through, too skinny, spotty, “ugly”, big ears, big nose, hair colour…… The list goes on. The problem is as a young teenager you feel like it’s only you. That all your friends are “so pretty” why can’t I be?

Even now as an adult my teenage inner voice still berates and teases me, see the laughable thing is now I realise that the boy who called me those names probably did so because he himself was insecure, he had his own issues and lashed out at me. 

I wish more than anything that I could go back and talk to that insecure little girl that was me , to tell her how great life was going to get for her and to hold on!

While I am on this weight loss journey now, make no mistake it isn’t for my appearance. Looking good is in the eye of the beholder so they say, this journey is about me getting to a point where I can have children. That’s it! Because sadly I know that being at my “perfect weight” there will still be things I hate about myself. 

I have spent so many years listening to that cruel boys words in my head and worst of all believing them. Still to this day when my own husband tells be I am beautiful I think ….”yeah but you have to say that!”

Believing you are beautiful comes from inside of you, you have to believe it yourself. It’s so much more than your dress size and your appearance. 

There are so many pressures out there in the world to”look good” that even those images used by the fashion and entertainment industry to enforce this beauty standard aren’t the truth. We are constantly being held to an unrealistic ideal of beauty. I am so pleased to see more and more plus size models such as Tess Holliday. I adore her!

We are all individuals, everyone comes in beautifully different shapes and sizes. Those commenting on you and your appearance, those keyboard warriors shouting about unhealthy images being a bad influence, it says more about them than it does you. Beauty does not come in one standard package. 

I wish more than anything that young people believe this of themselves, what ever it is you feel that makes you different or “ugly” embrace it, love it and don’t let anyone have that power over you! Care more about being a beautiful kind person!  

Will I ever truly look in the mirror and think…. Wow just perfect ….. Probably not, no! But I know I try every day to be a good person on the inside and hopefully one day that will be enough and that mean boys words will disappear! 
Another 2lbs off this week! Closing in on the two stone mark!! Surely I deserve some new clothes then?!

Until next time 🌟🌟🌟

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