So it’s been a weird sort of few days. The decision to share the news about us loosing another pregnancy was not one that was made easily. Tears filled most of the last post, but I am pleased I shared it with you. The love and support has been amazing and while I’m still not ready to face the real world I am so appreciative of the support and love shown to me.
I feel terrible if I am honest, the thought of working tomorrow fills me with the type of dread Sunday evenings can bring. It’s a tricky one because I work from home so effectively I can work from bed but I work in advertising sales for media, deadlines and targets – I am not ready for.
I am incredibly empty inside. After multiple losses and thinking I had finally come around to the idea of never having children, to find out it happened again I am lost. It felt like it was the last chance. I have all of the usual questions.
What if I hadn’t stressed about work so much?
What if I hadn’t been out last weekend?
What did I eat? Is it my diet?
Logically I know enough to know it’s none of these things, but my heart ……. ooh my heart disagrees.
But the fact remains I am grateful, for my husband mostly, my mum and family, my best mate Amanda, my friends and anyone that’s messaged me or sent love over the last couple of days.
To anyone suffering alone, please find someone to talk to. I’m not saying what I have done is for everyone but believe me when I say suffering alone isn’t a good choice. I have done that the last couple of times – I didn’t tell anyone and I feel like this time I am baring all of the heartache at once. Find someone you can talk to, scream, cry, shout, let it out of you.